So it's a Goodbye and a Farwell

Yesterday was a terrible day. We got a call about 12:30 yesterday from Mitch's dad Larry informing us that his wife Linda had passed away. I'm just heartbroken about it, she was such a wonderful lady who only welcomed people into her heart and her home and made sure you went home with a full belly. I couldn't have asked for a better Step Mother-In Law as she was kind, loving, compassionate, smart, strong and much much more. I would leave Hailey with her in a heartbeat and not even worry a minute while she was in her care. Larry had been on a business trip to Grande Prairie overnight and when he got home yesterday morning he found her collapsed on the floor in their computer room, and is quite positive she died of a massive heart attack. I have always worried about this happening to my own mom, being in her house alone I have thought about it quite a bit, but never really worried about Linda dying alone especially after Larry officially "retired" only a few weeks ago. I hope it was quick for her, I can only wish that she didn't suffer at all. Mitch and I headed over to their place last night, and with Linda's two children Sandra and Derek we all sat around laughing about all the good times we all shared together. It certainly made it a little easier for us all to get over the complete shock by sharing some good memories and having a few laughs. I think today things will be a little harder for everyone as reality starts to set in and we all start feeling the impact of her departure. I worry a little for Larry, as he seems fine in the moment but the second he doesn't have something distracting him, I know he is going to really start his grieving. It just seems a little unfair that they were both at the point in their lives that they were ready to just start to really enjoy going and doing things together. Cruel fate, but isn't that always how it seems to go? Goodbye Linda, we loved you very much. I can't imagine how things are going to be without you and I'm really sad to have to picture our lives without you in it. You hold a special place in my heart.

It's official today Tara and Kyle are off to start their new chapter of their lives in Vancouver. I wish them well, and with both sad and happy tears I wish them well. Like they say it's only a farewell, until we meet again.

Well I need to get some stuff done today as next to nothing got accomplished yesterday except a lot of crying. The laundry monster waits for no one.

L

Dam You Will Wheaton

Oh Big Bang Theory why have I denied you so long... well it's probably because I have a hard time getting into new shows and I don't usually give them a chance. But the stars must have been aligned about a month ago when I didn't change the channel before I hit the treadmill and proceeded to kill my fat cells. There are so many things about the show that I think are just funny, and being late on the band wagon I am just starting to really understand what is going on and laugh... really really laugh. Last night for instance, I had no idea why there was so much hate for Will Wheaton, it was just a given fact and with out being a total spoiler there was some verbal smack down that occurred during a "Magic" game followed by a few Moon pie comments it was just freaking funny. Well if you don't know who Will Wheaton is, this show isn't probably for you as there is a lot of StarTrek, Start Wars, D&D, and the like references that will have you lost before you even started. Maybe it's just me, being subjected to a variety of these things growing up that I have a soft spot in my heart for the guys on the show or maybe it's really who I am deep down. I think that every once in awhile everyone should get their geek on and this show is a good outlet for me. I highly recommend you check it out, there is a little something for everyone from the dude that still lives at home with his mother, to the guy that can't talk to chicks unless he is drunk, to the guy that is way to smart for his own good. Infact there is a new episode on tonight and believe me that baby is going  to get PVR'ed as I just got the green light from Mitch that I will be going out with the ladies tonight for my friends bridal shower. Her Bachelorette party was something out of the twilight zone but I will leave that one for another day as I am still a little traumatized from the "passion party" portion of the evening.... whoop whoop bring on the bridal shower :)

L

The High Cost of Waiting

For years I have heard my husband teach people this concept, and in the investment world it's a pretty crucial lesson to learn regarding investing your money. Simply put the longer you wait to start investing your money the harder it will be for you to attain a substantial amount for your retirement. But that's not what I wanted to blog about tonight, I just feel that things are a little out of control in my life right now and if I could I would just hit the pause button. One of my friends FB status the other day was something along the lines of if she could have the remote control in that Adam Sandler movie she promised not to abuse the power. I'm down with that, just a good old fashion pause would do for me right now. I catch myself thinking I just need to make it till.... instead of really just living my life and I'm getting tired of living like this. I barely survived this weekend, it's been a long 5 days here at the Carr house and I think it will take about a week to catch up, which nobody has the luxury to get. My house guests have finally left, left me with a pile of soul sucking laundry, vacuuming, fridge emptying, dish washing, bathroom disinfecting, and basement cleaning. I am happy to have my house back however, and I think my cats are as well. Monty my crazy orange cat lashed out today and bit my mother in law really badly and now I have to worry if it was because he was frightened or if he just made a really aggressive move. Either way if he does it again we will have to put him down, and that horrifies me. Hailey also picked up a little stomach bug and I spent the majority of the night rushing her over to the kitchen sink to let her finish puking her guts out, then stripping her down, washing her off and then spot cleaning the carpet where she had been playing. Fun times I tell ya! I got a good solid dose of single parenting this weekend too, and believe me I have the utmost respect for the momma that have to do it everyday, all day, all year. To top it all off Hailey and I attended Tara and Kyle's going away party and that well sucks, I got there before they did and got a good look at the empty house and it was just heartbreaking. If anything I would just love to put that move on pause for a few days, yeah I can be selfish like that sometimes. Well tomorrow is a new day, and I hope that I can get my computer repaired after the virus my MIL downloaded onto our computer this weekend (I had a guy here for 4 hours on Friday and there is something still not quite right), my jeep back into the shop (that stupid little engine light came on again coming home on Saturday), get my house back into some sort of order, and maybe just maybe get to see my husband more then a few minutes in passing while we head off to bed.

L

be nice... be nice.. be nice...

If you don't know that my husband is in the "people" business I think I should probably start there. I get the pleasure of being the "good cop" being an ear to those that need to vent, kiss the babies and open my house up to anyone out of town that needs a place to crash. I think I have mentioned in a past post that we had last minute guests, which can and will happen to me until the end of time. Most of the time I don't mind, yeah I get a little agitated when they are on the loud side (I have become that cranky old lady that yells to keep it down) but I tend to go momma bear on anyone that deprives the baby of sleep. If it gets the out-of-towners in for some additional training then it's the least I can do to be a good host. This weekend is our company's Canadian convention, and I fully expected to have a house full and to my delight I only have two bodies under our roof till Monday, I guess the only good thing about this weekend for me is they all will be out of the house all day and I won't have to feed them or have to really do much of anything with them.

Ok with that outta the way I need to do a little venting on one of my house guests this weekend, I was struggling with how I was going to address her when she came in my door. Earlier this year she went to Mexico for some kind of weight loss surgery. I for one am pretty much against anyone going to get their stomach stapled, cut, rubber banded, bandaided or any other kind of alteration of any sort. This lady in particular as she was looking for a quick fix to a very serious lifestyle problem. While she stayed here the last time before her surgury I saw her consume an exorbitant amount of Coke from the moment she got up to the moment she went to bed, and all the really really bad food choices she made in between. She nearly died in Mexico shortly after the surgery and is just finally getting back to a "normal" new life with her significantly smaller stomach. As soon as she got in the door all she wanted to do was talk about her weight loss, and since I didn't really want to be honest with her about how I really felt, I acknowledged her and tried to change the subject. But to my avail the conversation always turned back to her surgery, and I was getting more and more enraged about her new situation the more I listened. Not only did she nearly die, but she would casually talk about eating chicken nuggets for breakfast before she hit the road or how she stopped drinking Coke but started to drink Ice Tea instead (due to the fact her new little stomach cannot handle any carbonated drinks) or how sick she got after she gobbled down copious amounts of Halloween candy... It got seriously hard for me to not explode with Hulk like rage at her amazement on how slow she was losing the weight. Ack what to do what to do, this after I was fresh off a killer run on the treadmill and I chose to have a light lunch so I could have a nice dinner out with Mitch (which never happened we all decided to order in Chinese food) and still sick from a nasty little head cold I have been battling all week. *sigh* don't worry I will get off my soapbox here in a second, but I honestly believe that she was not an appropriate candidate for the surgery and without any education I really think she just shortened her life. If nothing else I hope that she can change her terribly ingrained bad habits and get the body that she always dreamed of and prove me wrong. I just know how much sweat and tears it takes to burn those pesky calories, and I just think it's tragic that people like her think that they can beat the system. On a positive note one of my oldest friends who has been battling the bulge for some time has recently lost 30 pounds and is totally pumped to reach her goal of 60. I really think she will do it too and I am cheering her the whole way as she has been hitting the gym 5 times a week and is doing it the right way. Well we might all have a day dream or two of getting all the fat sucked out of us by a super charged shop vac (google 1000 ways to die) we all know that's just dumb, guess I should just listen to my momma and when you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

L

Hello semi-retirement

I had a wonderful time last night at Larry's retirement party. I haven't really talked about my FIL at all, he is just great, maybe it's just easier for a dad to accept a daughter in-law as family. He has been nothing short of wonderful to me since the first day I met him, and he makes it very easy to forget I have a loser of a biological dad. Larry is a very interesting guy, I see so much of Mitch in him it's scary and great at the same time. You never wonder where you stand with him either as he will tell you to "go stick it in your ass" if he thinks you should, but can be the most caring guy when it comes down to something very important to him. There were some really, really funny stories from some of the people that have had the "pleasure" of working with him over the last 34 years. My favorite story was the "dick head" story of a guy that was a total tool, and instead of getting a regular name tag made for him Larry got him one that read "dick head". DH had it last night to show everyone, and besides the laughter nobody was shocked as that's just what Larry does. Even though they had a big open bar party last night for him, he is only technically semi-retired, as he will still contract himself out to his former company as a contractor for the jobs he will choose to work. Over the last 11 years I have only heard his end of the calls that came in at all times of the night, where I would hear a variety of curses, insults and flat out horrifying things come out of his mouth to get the job done. I know people were terrified of him, but last night I was so blown away by all the people that made a heartfelt speech's on how much they respected him and how much they were going to miss him. Linda his wife kept on saying how he hated having such a big deal made over him, but last night he was loving every minute of it and it was so nice to see him in his element. I for one am glad that my mom took Hailey last night so we could really enjoy our selves and sleep in a tad this morning, it was her first crack at keeping her overnight at her house and I hope that there will be plenty more to come. Well another weekend down for 2010, I can't believe that the year is almost over, Hailey is going to be a year and half on Tuesday and Christmas is just around the corner. Where is the time going? Oh well I will enjoy my extra hour today as it's daylight savings here and try not to think about it!

L

fight or flight

Ugh what a week so far! The sad thing is nothing bad has directly happened to me so I should be the last one to complain! None the less my heart has been picking some serious fights with my brain and I just can't seem to keep much emotional control, which is totally strange for me. I'm not much of a crier, I think I used up my tear allotment when I was a kid. I didn't cry at my wedding, I didn't cry much when I had Hailey (well to be fair I only cried out of fear when they were about to slice her out of me not when she was actually in my arms) and I waited and waited for the emotional "rock bottom" you are supposed to hit after giving birth. When that didn't happen I was starting to think I was some sort of robot totally void of any feelings. But this week, man I'm all over the map. My BFF called me on Monday, and we chit-chatted about the weekend and all the regular crap we normally cover. After letting me talk on and on she finally decided to let me know all about the trauma that they had gone through the night before. Her youngest had stopped breathing in her arms and proceeded to have a seizure... oh ya, had a good weekend but by the way my son almost died. Everything is fine, I guess it's something they have in their family and now they just have to really watch when he has a high temperature but scary none the less. I couldn't even imagine what that would feel like, and I am so very grateful that the little guy is going to be fine. My other friends dad who has had some major surgery as of late almost bleed out on Sunday night and he is now doing fine at home, again another scary situation but all is well thank god. I know it makes it harder for her to be here when her family needs her, well as she reminded me today it's only four short weeks until they are back. My total avoidance coping mechanism is starting to fail me, I'm not sure how much longer I can honestly keep it up and it's worked pretty well up until now. Usually when a situation I don't want to deal with pops up I avoid and hide and when things look better I come back out to play. I feel like I'm going against my very nature to keep pretending I'm fine with everything, how do you go about feeling good about losing your support system? Guess I'm going to be figuring that our over the next few weeks. Ack I better go finish my bookclub book, I have been struggling reading it, and even the really really weird sci-fi book we had a few months back was easier to get into then this WW2 novel... yuck it feels like a school assignment!

L

Happy Halloween!

Whew what an exhausting weekend! It was a busy one here at the Carr house and I for one am really glad that it's over :) Birthday dinners, mom group Halloween party, 4 house guests, pumpkin carving, and Trick or Treating just about sums up the last few days for me. I spent almost the entire week last week baking cupcakes, and decorating them, putting up decorations, cleaning, and then more cleaning trying to get ready for my party. Just when I thought that I had it all under control I got slammed with a houseful of people last minute, thank Jeebus that I had for some reason had the foresight to wash all the blankets and towels. But I have to say seeing all the little monsters from my mom's group was just awesome, as it had been almost 6 months since I have seen some of the kids and moms last, it was sure nice to catch up. Even though some of them don't want to go to the trouble to plan and or host our get togethers we always have a good time when it finally comes together, it's just too bad it always seems to be the same mommies that put in the effort to keep the group meeting once in a blue moon. It appears that there will be a second baby boom with the moms too, as 3 of the ladies are going to be expecting their second bundle of joy next year. Mitch and I have really started to be given the gears as of late to when we will be starting to expand the family, it seems to be coming from everyone... which is really starting to bug be a bit as everyone and their dog seems to have an opinion on whether we should have another or not. Bottom line, we are not ready to start trying and we are not sure if we will have another one. I will be turning 30 next year and I don't feel the need to be a baby factory right now, as far as I see it there is still a lot of time to decide whether we have more or not. Ah well the party was a success, two days later I'm still finding food all over the house but that's a given when you have 10 toddling toddlers with sticky fingers running all over the place. Hailey's second Halloween was a definite success as she only took her costume off for her nap, went to visit a few people and then hit the streets with her little treat bucket with a vengeance. The really spooky houses were a bit much for her, which ultimately ended her night but, mom and dad were sure proud of our little bumble bee last night. I might have been out of the Trick-or-Treating game a little too long to totally understand that the rules have changed, as I noticed a few things last night. #1 parents drive while watching their kids walk up and down the streets. Really? don't you think that especially last night when the weather was just beautiful that you could possibly walk with your kids door to door? #2 all the kids ring the doorbell. What ever happened to screaming your lungs out for candy? #3 the mall is the place to go for candy. Apparently Southgate was a complete disaster yesterday, my mother in law (who was one of our house guests this weekend) said the mall was worse then shopping at Christmas. #4 you don't actually have to be wearing a costume to get candy, and you can apparently go until you are about 25 (well maybe the kid wasn't 25 but he was getting to be a bit old to be out there) Well I sure hope everyone had a Happy Halloween, we jacked up about 100 kids on candy last night before we shut the doors. I'm sure next year will be even more fun!

L