Ugh what a week so far! The sad thing is nothing bad has directly happened to me so I should be the last one to complain! None the less my heart has been picking some serious fights with my brain and I just can't seem to keep much emotional control, which is totally strange for me. I'm not much of a crier, I think I used up my tear allotment when I was a kid. I didn't cry at my wedding, I didn't cry much when I had Hailey (well to be fair I only cried out of fear when they were about to slice her out of me not when she was actually in my arms) and I waited and waited for the emotional "rock bottom" you are supposed to hit after giving birth. When that didn't happen I was starting to think I was some sort of robot totally void of any feelings. But this week, man I'm all over the map. My BFF called me on Monday, and we chit-chatted about the weekend and all the regular crap we normally cover. After letting me talk on and on she finally decided to let me know all about the trauma that they had gone through the night before. Her youngest had stopped breathing in her arms and proceeded to have a seizure... oh ya, had a good weekend but by the way my son almost died. Everything is fine, I guess it's something they have in their family and now they just have to really watch when he has a high temperature but scary none the less. I couldn't even imagine what that would feel like, and I am so very grateful that the little guy is going to be fine. My other friends dad who has had some major surgery as of late almost bleed out on Sunday night and he is now doing fine at home, again another scary situation but all is well thank god. I know it makes it harder for her to be here when her family needs her, well as she reminded me today it's only four short weeks until they are back. My total avoidance coping mechanism is starting to fail me, I'm not sure how much longer I can honestly keep it up and it's worked pretty well up until now. Usually when a situation I don't want to deal with pops up I avoid and hide and when things look better I come back out to play. I feel like I'm going against my very nature to keep pretending I'm fine with everything, how do you go about feeling good about losing your support system? Guess I'm going to be figuring that our over the next few weeks. Ack I better go finish my bookclub book, I have been struggling reading it, and even the really really weird sci-fi book we had a few months back was easier to get into then this WW2 novel... yuck it feels like a school assignment!
L
2 comments:
That is a lot of stressful information you got this week, no wonder you feel like you have been weakened by the cryptonite. Seizures must be a terrible thing to deal with. I used to work with a lady whose young son got them now and again. At first they would call an ambulance and over time had to learn how to "deal with them", and let them pass. I can't imagine!
Good luck on the book club, not sure a WW2 novel would keep me interested either.
It has been a rough week... and I don't ever want to think of losing my support system in you. You are an amazing beautiful irreplacable person in my life, no distance can change that.
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