Things get real messy when you have a "modern" family like we do. Between Mitch and me Hailey technically has 6 grandparents, 2 of which I'm having a hard time calling "grandpa and grandma". Which brings me to the point of this post. My dad and his g-friend want very much to be involved in Hailey's life, I could care less if they are or not, and I'm trying my best to just keep neutral for Hailey's sake. I believe that being a Grandparent is a reward for doing a good job raising your own kids, and you get to enjoy them in a way that you couldn't enjoy your own kids. If you did a bang up job your kids should not only feel comfortable bring them over to their house but leaving them in their care. My dad falls massively short in the good parenting department and fails to make the grade when it comes to any form of nurturing. Not only is he a terrible influence in my opinion, but doesn't really have anything to offer besides a good example of how not to live your life. I'm sure Hailey knows that "life is a bitch, and then you die" already... and if she hasn't picked up that little gem in the few visits we have made it's going to hit home soon. So ditch the losers right? Well I wish that I could, unfortunately my grandfather lives with my dad and in order for me to go and visit I have to go through them. *sigh* The poor guy would be better off in a home, but being the owner of the house he is determined to live in the house "as long as he still has his mind", a point that could be argued either way right now... So the question remains, do I carry on letting them call themselves "grandparents" as they technically are and let Hailey just grow up calling them that, or do I do the asshole move of correcting them now. I guess it's gone on too long now, but I seriously get an ulcer when I hear them refer to themselves as such. I know that the visits to their house will be done when my grandpa is out of the house so does it really matter? Either way it's tricky... I don't want Hailey to carry my baggage, it's my past that keeps me from wanting them to have a relationship, not anything they have done or not done to her. Maybe I'm scared that she will develop a relationship with my dad and he will hurt her the same way he hurt me and I'm just being all momma bear about it. Choices we make as parents sometimes are hard, guess we will have to endure a good dose of ulcers tomorrow as me and Stevie boy are going to head over there to show off his new car. Love being the peacemaker and making it happen, for my Grandpa who misses his grandsons' I will do it... It's sure to be a craptastic time.
L
2 comments:
Oh my word, too bad your dad has a girlfriend already because otherwise your dad and my mom would be a perfect e-harmony match.
So what I don't blog about is my mom (she reads my blog). But when I'm feeling really sorry about my lot in life, she's one of them. She did a terrible job raising us, screwed up her life, and essentially blamed it all on me for not being there for her. Now that is a mega nutshell of the situation.
I consider myself a loving person, I love people with an open heart, but I just can’t even hug her without feeling awkward and all cringy inside. She wants everything to just be in the past, and not have to be responsible for any of it. I’m going off on a tangent so I'll wrap up here.
What I really want to say is that I had cut my mom out of my life. We didn’t talk for nearly two years. It was good. But when I was pregnant with Kate here’s why I let her back in. (they are mostly selfish) 1.) I figured if she was going to pull the same crap, then she was going to pull the same crap, and then my kids would cut her out of their lives on their own, and they would know what she can be. Yucky, but I would be there to pick up the pieces, and they would still have responsible parents, unlike me, and I figured it beat 2.) I keep her out of their lives until they are old enough to find her for themselves and decide that I was the crappy parent who kept them from their grandma, who is so cool and only wanted the chance to love them, but I wouldn’t let her. And 3.) If I let them be a part of her life, I get to be there, and correct the misrepresentation of history that my mom spews out.
I cannot leave my kids with my mom, she’s never babysat, and she never will. The one time I left the twins in her care upstairs while I went to the basement, I came up stairs and had to pull Styrofoam out of baby Elijah’s mouth. Seriously!!
My dad’s another story, but similar :)
I can assure you my dad will never read this blog, he doesn't even like ATM's... technology is the "devil" lol... so I can vent about him all I want here.
I am trying not to come across as someone with "daddy issues" as I have moved on from a lot of the hurt that he has inflicted on both of my brothers and me. We didn't talk for about a decade, got into a fight about my wedding, he didn't come and then our relationship was totally over. When I got pregnant things changed, and I started to really worry about what I should do. My grandfather was already living with him at this point so I figured what was the harm for a the last few years of my grandpa's life. The sad thing is he won't even seek us out when I cut ties so it all seems in vain to me to even bother playing nice.
I hear you on the NEVER going to be allowed to watch my kid. I don't even think I would go to the basement, Hailey came to the bathroom with me when I had to go when I was there...
Here is hoping that we don't pass our baggage along and learn from their mistakes and do a better job with out own!
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