Saturday, September 11, 2010

Pansie Wussy Bambi Pie

I have always been on the side of caution when entering into major decisions in life, I don't spontaneously buy things without some thought, my day is immaculately planned almost minute to minute, and I generally don't like surprises. That being said I'm really not scared to take risks as long as I have given some thought as to why I would do something and then just go for it, accepting the chips as they fall. Which leads me to what has been consuming my thoughts for the last two days, the institution of marriage and all that comes with it.

I know it's not for everybody, as it's been stated to me by quite a few people "you don't have to be married to be committed, being common law entitles you to all the same benefits as being married with out the paperwork". I get that, and I understand why people decide that marriage is not for them, as long as they are not being pansie wussy Bambi pie's about it for fear of failure I can accept it as well. I know the statistics, first marriages have about a 50% chance of ending in divorce, that risk becomes greater with each successive marriage (about 72% for second, and about 85% for third marriages). No doubt it's hard work to be in a serious relationship but I figure people will generally put more effort in if they have taken that step, especially if you have kids I think it's an important one to take. Regardless of that you think about marriage you are either in the "I do" camp or the "hell no, not for me" camp. I'm obviously on the bandwagon, and haven't been to damaged from where I came from to give it a go, and I take my role pretty darn serious.

Ok with that stated and out of the way, I'm about to get to the point. I'm all about being married and I love who I'm married too, I can't imagine someone else filling those shoes. Mitch and I have talked about what would happen if one of us were to die, actually we talk about it a lot as he is in the life insurance game, and we better have our crap together if he is out there ensuring other families are protected. It's not a conversation we love to have but it's out there that if one of us were to die then we would for sure want the other to be happy, I'm not about wanting to lead the life of a spinster and would wish that upon anyone. But I guess the question that has been haunting me for the last two days is how long is long enough to heal after losing someone married or not? I feel that it would take me far longer to feel ready to date and "move on" then Mitch, statistically women do take longer then men, and that's ok, it is what it is. I guess you would never really know until you are there, and nobody wants to be there so why bother thinking about it right? Well I guess sometimes it just makes you think about the "what ifs" when you know someone going through it, you can't help but think would you make the same decisions. I will end this post with as long as you are happy then it's the right decision and I will back you all the way, as long as you are living your life authentically, and not out of fear like a pansie wussy Bambi pie. Would I get married again if something tragic were to happen, being that I'm all about being married? I don't know, and I think that's why I can't let this go. Not sure if that makes me a hypocrite, and that bugs me a bit. I guess we will have to leave that one out in the hypothetical for now as there is no way of knowing unless you are in that exact situation.



Tammy said...

I think time is different for each person, but I think it would also depend on a person's situation. If there are kids involved, then I think people have to go slower. My BFF was just telling me about a girl in her office that met a guy online and was going to move in with him within about two weeks, and she has a young daughter. T (my BFF) says to do you know he isn't a child molestor? And the woman says, o no..he isn't. O really? Did he just tell you that, and that's all it takes? I think people too often are willing to put their kids in harms way without being cautious enough.

If you are a person without kids then I guess you aren't really effecting others too much, but you still need to take some time.

I do believe in marriage as well, I think it does mean something to many people, maybe nothing to some. I hate calling Chad my "boyfriend" because it doesn't reflect the significance of our relationship. Having said that, I am not all that interested in the process of getting married with the big wedding, but that is because I have been there before. To me it would feel silly to go through all that more than once. I am interested in the being married part, but not the getting married part. A Justice of the Peace would be to my liking.

As much as no one likes to talk about death, its great you have discussed all of that, especially with having a child, that becomes more significant.

Winterbottom Updates said...

I too am pro marriage as you know... although each to their own. Kyle and I have talked about it too.. if something were to happen I would like to believe that whoever was left behind would find a spouse... someone that would love and care for our children as well... I believe that if you have kids "picking" someone is even harder... Alanna is a model of that. 7 years until she found Ryan... then she snagged and married him in 6months!