Grateful

I found myself clicking around yesterday and reading a few random strangers blogs, and I have been harbouring huge feeling of gratefulness about my life since finding this one particular ladies blog. I know that she is a friend of my brothers, maybe the wife of a friend actually and I just can't believe how hard she has it. I know I have a good life, and I try not to focus on the negatives, and I realize that blogging can be a cathartic way of dealing with stress but I really have nothing compared to her. I didn't go too far back, it was creepy enough just to be learning so many intimate details of her life and not even knowing her (the beauty of public blogging I guess) but from what I read she has delt with the loss of a child and struggles daily with a son with autism while juggling 3 other kids all home schooled. Craziness. Sometimes I think you just have to put yourself into another persons shoes to re-evaluate how "bad" you really have it, and yes I am incredibly grateful I have a healthy, happy child and get to be the one raising her abit she will be going to public school when the time comes. You could argue that she could lighten her load a little, but when a momma wants to raise her kids a certain way there is nothing that is going to change her mind. I have learned a few things in the last year and a bit with my mom's group and other mommy friends, everyone is going to do things differently and if you try to say something to the contrary to a core belief you will get your head bitten off. End of story. Thank you come again. I know that I have done things my way too. I am a firm believer in breast feeding, do not believe in co-sleeping, have bought into the theroy of "cry it out", made all my own baby food, use disposable diapers, believe in baby wearing, don't feed my baby too much processed food but not crazy obsessed about only organic.... the list goes on and on about what choices you make and everyone has their way and their options. I feel that just being a mom connects our stories even though she has so much more on her plate, and I wish the network of mothers would be bigger with less judgement and more acceptance sometimes to help her and other moms having a hard day or week or year.

I was also inspired by one of her posts regarding her birth story of her youngest. I totally can relate to her story and all the sadness surrounding the arrival of a baby. If you aren't that close to me you wouldn't really know that one of the most terrifying day's of my life was the day my daughter was born. My birth plan was pretty go with the flow, no drugs if I could hack it, but bring them on if need be. After going many many days over due with the peanut I was induced, well we went in for induction the first time only to be sent away due to my OB/GYN's paperwork error, to be admitted the next day. After the fun filled pain inducing tampon started to work it's magic we were off to the races. Escorted up to labour and delivery and began to wait until my body told be it was time to get the party started. Totally was handing everything without a problem, they broke my water and bam! Contractions on top of contractions without a break so it was time to call the miracle man with the epidural. Mitch and I caught a snooze after the pain was gone only to wake up to find out that Hailey wasn't presenting herself in a conducive position for quick labour, so they turned her, twice. Then we got the news that there wasn't anyway that I was going to finish dilating to the full 10 and the recommendation to go to a C-Section. This is where things got scary, they always say to prepare for it, but in your head it's just one of those things that isn't going to happen to you. 30 mins later I was holding my baby and feeling like I wimped out of the work, I didn't feel like I did my duty as a mother and I couldn't relate to all the millions of other moms that had babies. Great hey? I assure you if you need to have a C-Section and you have these feelings they lessen overtime and it gets better, but I wasn't prepared to have a less then TLC Birth Story ending to the birth of my baby. Bastards, I don't know how many of those shows I watched only to be bitterly disappointed about what happened to me. However, those mushy over the top love your kid more then anything feelings were there and that's all the matters in the end.

I love my life, if I learned anything from the blogging momma is that in life you don't have to be a martyr, being a mom is hard enough.

L