Bring on the Shit show

I figure that this will probably be the last time that I will have a second to blog for the next few days, so I just wanted to take a second and wish everyone reading this a Merry Christmas and all that jazz. The gas tank is on full and we are ready to hit the holidays hard in the Carr house this year. Mitch of coarse is working on his gifts today but other then that I think we are totally ready. If I can survive tomorrow then it will be smooth sailing for the rest of the days. Now it's time to pig out, be with friends and family (some wanted some not...) and relax a little. Happy whatever the heck you celebrate, please be safe.

L

Tis The Season

Tis the season for joyfulness, love and goodwill. In theory it all sounds really great, wouldn't it be great if everyone for just a moment put aside the anger, hate or thoughtlessness aside for just a few moments and really did something nice for someone else? I am not a religious person so I'm not going to be the one to lecture about losing the real reason behind Christmas but it is sad that we almost all get consumed in the commericalism of the holiday. Give a kid a present that they wouldn't have gotten, donate some food to the food bank, or give a few bucks to the poor dude dressed as Santa ringing his little bell. I for one stood back after looking at the mountain of gifts I have for Hailey and my heart hurt a little for the little kids that don't have it as good. A little know fact about me is I am a recovering Grinch, sometimes I have to tell myself to knock it off when I feel the "I hate Christmas" feelings starting to bubble up from my heart that is a few sizes to small, but in all honesty I just want to create something wonderful for my little girl above all else. I guess what really gets me the most is how fake some people are for one or two days of the year, just for the sake of the holiday, that just kills me. I couldn't tell you how many Christmas' resulted in tears, fighting or some form of awkwardness in our family over the years and we all carried on with the charade every year anyways. Now is the time to make new traditions and stop thinking about all the things in the past that have made this time of year stressful, easier said then done but the end results will be worth it. As I look back on 2010 I am very very grateful for what I have, and who I have in my life. I can officially say I'm going to be leaving 2010 in better shape then I started it, and setting some pretty high goals for 2011. I can't wait to see what the New Year has in store for us. But until then I will sit back and try to be grateful for everything good in my life and try and survive the next few days... I mean love every moment of it...

L

Momma called the Dr. and the Dr. said....

I think I have a sickness, I have totally forgotten how to relax. When did it come to this? I'm not exactly sure but I think I have totally lost the ability to put my feet up and take an evening off. I'm sitting here now trying to tell myself that the dishes in the sink that Mitch said we were going to leave and quote "be lazy tonight" are going to be just fine until I can get my hands on them tomorrow morning *sigh* the presents on the counter can be wrapped tomorrow at some point, and the Christmas baking can definitely wait until sometime later this week. The nice long bath that I was going to take turned out to be about 20 mins long with me thinking the whole time about what I was going to do when I got out. It's sad, I realize but I'm happy the way I am until I start working away into the night and then I think I will need an intervention. However I am feeling better about getting most of the Christmas shopping out of the way, just a few little things that can be picked up close to home and I should be done. Just the humongous pile of presents need to be tamed and wrapped, but those bad boys have their days numbered before they go off to their forever homes and outta my hair.

The last few days this week have certainly been colorful, I have been trying to get an idea of where we are supposed to be this year to see all of our families during the holidays so I made a few phone calls so I can start planning. I guess my aunt and uncle are going to be staying here for about a week, which is fine we offered it up to them in November. It will be right after Lynne and Graham are up for our early Christmas so I'm hoping there won't be any family overlap, as that might be a little to painful to endure. After suffering through the dad's girlfriends' call I had to immediately call my half sister and my aunt to find out the real deal behind what will be happening on that side of the family, as Sal had stated that Christmas is cancelled and nobody was going to see Grandpa... I guess this happens every year, I just don't call that early in the month to hear all her empty threats. Fantastic, you can stay home and cancel yourself while we all enjoy a nice meal without you. Whatever we all will meet at the home like we do every year, and that solves my dilemma on how to fit everyone in. Gotta love the holidays when you can't stand some of your family right? right? Oh well tomorrow me and my little family are heading over to my mom's house for her birthday dinner and we should all have a good time, no drama just good times. Sometimes I just wonder why things can be so easy, and yet things are so hard at the same time, guess that's why my mom got the hell out of her marriage and that family...

L

Back On-line

Sorry I have been MIA for the last few days, we have been busy to say the least but our computer was also very sick as of late and it's finally up and running at a speed that I'm willing to take a crack at writing again. Since Lynne let this crazy virus run rampant on our computer we have had nothing but trouble. We brought in our biggest computer buff to fix it and it finally took formatting the hardrive twice, running multiplele software programs, program fixes, and finally the cannibalization of three computers to get it all running right and about 25 hours of quality bonding time. It was a computer graveyard in my office as we painfully had to step back in to the stone age as Mitch put it, using a Frankensteined set up just trying to get logged into the very basics to get us through the week. We laughed about having to use a "roller" mouse, ha! it was brutal and man that mouse isn't really that old, or the fact that we moved up two mammoth monitors (Remember the one that you gave me Chad? the one that weighs like 40 pounds?) due to the fact that our flat screen monitor wasn't compatible with our slightly older tower. Mitch finally ended up bringing home our PC from the office and with a little magic, upgrading and a whole lot of TLC we are finally back! I realized that I spend an awful lot of time on here and being forced to find other things to keep me company during the day made me realize I am capable of getting more done and wasting less time if I just stay away from the black hole of time sucking, aka the internet.

Losing the last week in November due to Linda's death has really put me behind schedule for Christmas 2010, and that is making me a little nuts. I have most of the kid's gifts all ready for wrapping, but I just need to find sometime to get out and get my mom's b-day gift and all the other "early Christmas" stuff out of the way. Mitch's mom just confirmed that instead of being here next weekend she will be arriving on the 18th so that gives me a few more days to get everything together. My list is getting longer by the day, and it's only the 4th! Man you gotta love Christmas if your a mom, and I only can imagine what it's going to be like when Hailey is a bit bigger! Well at least I have my computer back and I can get back to my spreadsheets and mailing labels (which I have to find somewhere on our back up hardrive that we just got and back everything up... thank the lord... I would have been SOL otherwise!)

Otherwise things are getting back to normal around here, and I couldn't be happier! Mitch and I took Hailey to see Santa yesterday and that was just a total disaster, we all got to be in the picture as Santa is apparently a really scary dude. Then all she could talk about the rest of the day was "Santa, ho ho ho" what I would give to be in her brain sometimes...

Well I'm going to try and recover my lost data, wish me luck!

L

So it's a Goodbye and a Farwell

Yesterday was a terrible day. We got a call about 12:30 yesterday from Mitch's dad Larry informing us that his wife Linda had passed away. I'm just heartbroken about it, she was such a wonderful lady who only welcomed people into her heart and her home and made sure you went home with a full belly. I couldn't have asked for a better Step Mother-In Law as she was kind, loving, compassionate, smart, strong and much much more. I would leave Hailey with her in a heartbeat and not even worry a minute while she was in her care. Larry had been on a business trip to Grande Prairie overnight and when he got home yesterday morning he found her collapsed on the floor in their computer room, and is quite positive she died of a massive heart attack. I have always worried about this happening to my own mom, being in her house alone I have thought about it quite a bit, but never really worried about Linda dying alone especially after Larry officially "retired" only a few weeks ago. I hope it was quick for her, I can only wish that she didn't suffer at all. Mitch and I headed over to their place last night, and with Linda's two children Sandra and Derek we all sat around laughing about all the good times we all shared together. It certainly made it a little easier for us all to get over the complete shock by sharing some good memories and having a few laughs. I think today things will be a little harder for everyone as reality starts to set in and we all start feeling the impact of her departure. I worry a little for Larry, as he seems fine in the moment but the second he doesn't have something distracting him, I know he is going to really start his grieving. It just seems a little unfair that they were both at the point in their lives that they were ready to just start to really enjoy going and doing things together. Cruel fate, but isn't that always how it seems to go? Goodbye Linda, we loved you very much. I can't imagine how things are going to be without you and I'm really sad to have to picture our lives without you in it. You hold a special place in my heart.

It's official today Tara and Kyle are off to start their new chapter of their lives in Vancouver. I wish them well, and with both sad and happy tears I wish them well. Like they say it's only a farewell, until we meet again.

Well I need to get some stuff done today as next to nothing got accomplished yesterday except a lot of crying. The laundry monster waits for no one.

L

Dam You Will Wheaton

Oh Big Bang Theory why have I denied you so long... well it's probably because I have a hard time getting into new shows and I don't usually give them a chance. But the stars must have been aligned about a month ago when I didn't change the channel before I hit the treadmill and proceeded to kill my fat cells. There are so many things about the show that I think are just funny, and being late on the band wagon I am just starting to really understand what is going on and laugh... really really laugh. Last night for instance, I had no idea why there was so much hate for Will Wheaton, it was just a given fact and with out being a total spoiler there was some verbal smack down that occurred during a "Magic" game followed by a few Moon pie comments it was just freaking funny. Well if you don't know who Will Wheaton is, this show isn't probably for you as there is a lot of StarTrek, Start Wars, D&D, and the like references that will have you lost before you even started. Maybe it's just me, being subjected to a variety of these things growing up that I have a soft spot in my heart for the guys on the show or maybe it's really who I am deep down. I think that every once in awhile everyone should get their geek on and this show is a good outlet for me. I highly recommend you check it out, there is a little something for everyone from the dude that still lives at home with his mother, to the guy that can't talk to chicks unless he is drunk, to the guy that is way to smart for his own good. Infact there is a new episode on tonight and believe me that baby is going  to get PVR'ed as I just got the green light from Mitch that I will be going out with the ladies tonight for my friends bridal shower. Her Bachelorette party was something out of the twilight zone but I will leave that one for another day as I am still a little traumatized from the "passion party" portion of the evening.... whoop whoop bring on the bridal shower :)

L

The High Cost of Waiting

For years I have heard my husband teach people this concept, and in the investment world it's a pretty crucial lesson to learn regarding investing your money. Simply put the longer you wait to start investing your money the harder it will be for you to attain a substantial amount for your retirement. But that's not what I wanted to blog about tonight, I just feel that things are a little out of control in my life right now and if I could I would just hit the pause button. One of my friends FB status the other day was something along the lines of if she could have the remote control in that Adam Sandler movie she promised not to abuse the power. I'm down with that, just a good old fashion pause would do for me right now. I catch myself thinking I just need to make it till.... instead of really just living my life and I'm getting tired of living like this. I barely survived this weekend, it's been a long 5 days here at the Carr house and I think it will take about a week to catch up, which nobody has the luxury to get. My house guests have finally left, left me with a pile of soul sucking laundry, vacuuming, fridge emptying, dish washing, bathroom disinfecting, and basement cleaning. I am happy to have my house back however, and I think my cats are as well. Monty my crazy orange cat lashed out today and bit my mother in law really badly and now I have to worry if it was because he was frightened or if he just made a really aggressive move. Either way if he does it again we will have to put him down, and that horrifies me. Hailey also picked up a little stomach bug and I spent the majority of the night rushing her over to the kitchen sink to let her finish puking her guts out, then stripping her down, washing her off and then spot cleaning the carpet where she had been playing. Fun times I tell ya! I got a good solid dose of single parenting this weekend too, and believe me I have the utmost respect for the momma that have to do it everyday, all day, all year. To top it all off Hailey and I attended Tara and Kyle's going away party and that well sucks, I got there before they did and got a good look at the empty house and it was just heartbreaking. If anything I would just love to put that move on pause for a few days, yeah I can be selfish like that sometimes. Well tomorrow is a new day, and I hope that I can get my computer repaired after the virus my MIL downloaded onto our computer this weekend (I had a guy here for 4 hours on Friday and there is something still not quite right), my jeep back into the shop (that stupid little engine light came on again coming home on Saturday), get my house back into some sort of order, and maybe just maybe get to see my husband more then a few minutes in passing while we head off to bed.

L

be nice... be nice.. be nice...

If you don't know that my husband is in the "people" business I think I should probably start there. I get the pleasure of being the "good cop" being an ear to those that need to vent, kiss the babies and open my house up to anyone out of town that needs a place to crash. I think I have mentioned in a past post that we had last minute guests, which can and will happen to me until the end of time. Most of the time I don't mind, yeah I get a little agitated when they are on the loud side (I have become that cranky old lady that yells to keep it down) but I tend to go momma bear on anyone that deprives the baby of sleep. If it gets the out-of-towners in for some additional training then it's the least I can do to be a good host. This weekend is our company's Canadian convention, and I fully expected to have a house full and to my delight I only have two bodies under our roof till Monday, I guess the only good thing about this weekend for me is they all will be out of the house all day and I won't have to feed them or have to really do much of anything with them.

Ok with that outta the way I need to do a little venting on one of my house guests this weekend, I was struggling with how I was going to address her when she came in my door. Earlier this year she went to Mexico for some kind of weight loss surgery. I for one am pretty much against anyone going to get their stomach stapled, cut, rubber banded, bandaided or any other kind of alteration of any sort. This lady in particular as she was looking for a quick fix to a very serious lifestyle problem. While she stayed here the last time before her surgury I saw her consume an exorbitant amount of Coke from the moment she got up to the moment she went to bed, and all the really really bad food choices she made in between. She nearly died in Mexico shortly after the surgery and is just finally getting back to a "normal" new life with her significantly smaller stomach. As soon as she got in the door all she wanted to do was talk about her weight loss, and since I didn't really want to be honest with her about how I really felt, I acknowledged her and tried to change the subject. But to my avail the conversation always turned back to her surgery, and I was getting more and more enraged about her new situation the more I listened. Not only did she nearly die, but she would casually talk about eating chicken nuggets for breakfast before she hit the road or how she stopped drinking Coke but started to drink Ice Tea instead (due to the fact her new little stomach cannot handle any carbonated drinks) or how sick she got after she gobbled down copious amounts of Halloween candy... It got seriously hard for me to not explode with Hulk like rage at her amazement on how slow she was losing the weight. Ack what to do what to do, this after I was fresh off a killer run on the treadmill and I chose to have a light lunch so I could have a nice dinner out with Mitch (which never happened we all decided to order in Chinese food) and still sick from a nasty little head cold I have been battling all week. *sigh* don't worry I will get off my soapbox here in a second, but I honestly believe that she was not an appropriate candidate for the surgery and without any education I really think she just shortened her life. If nothing else I hope that she can change her terribly ingrained bad habits and get the body that she always dreamed of and prove me wrong. I just know how much sweat and tears it takes to burn those pesky calories, and I just think it's tragic that people like her think that they can beat the system. On a positive note one of my oldest friends who has been battling the bulge for some time has recently lost 30 pounds and is totally pumped to reach her goal of 60. I really think she will do it too and I am cheering her the whole way as she has been hitting the gym 5 times a week and is doing it the right way. Well we might all have a day dream or two of getting all the fat sucked out of us by a super charged shop vac (google 1000 ways to die) we all know that's just dumb, guess I should just listen to my momma and when you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

L

Hello semi-retirement

I had a wonderful time last night at Larry's retirement party. I haven't really talked about my FIL at all, he is just great, maybe it's just easier for a dad to accept a daughter in-law as family. He has been nothing short of wonderful to me since the first day I met him, and he makes it very easy to forget I have a loser of a biological dad. Larry is a very interesting guy, I see so much of Mitch in him it's scary and great at the same time. You never wonder where you stand with him either as he will tell you to "go stick it in your ass" if he thinks you should, but can be the most caring guy when it comes down to something very important to him. There were some really, really funny stories from some of the people that have had the "pleasure" of working with him over the last 34 years. My favorite story was the "dick head" story of a guy that was a total tool, and instead of getting a regular name tag made for him Larry got him one that read "dick head". DH had it last night to show everyone, and besides the laughter nobody was shocked as that's just what Larry does. Even though they had a big open bar party last night for him, he is only technically semi-retired, as he will still contract himself out to his former company as a contractor for the jobs he will choose to work. Over the last 11 years I have only heard his end of the calls that came in at all times of the night, where I would hear a variety of curses, insults and flat out horrifying things come out of his mouth to get the job done. I know people were terrified of him, but last night I was so blown away by all the people that made a heartfelt speech's on how much they respected him and how much they were going to miss him. Linda his wife kept on saying how he hated having such a big deal made over him, but last night he was loving every minute of it and it was so nice to see him in his element. I for one am glad that my mom took Hailey last night so we could really enjoy our selves and sleep in a tad this morning, it was her first crack at keeping her overnight at her house and I hope that there will be plenty more to come. Well another weekend down for 2010, I can't believe that the year is almost over, Hailey is going to be a year and half on Tuesday and Christmas is just around the corner. Where is the time going? Oh well I will enjoy my extra hour today as it's daylight savings here and try not to think about it!

L

fight or flight

Ugh what a week so far! The sad thing is nothing bad has directly happened to me so I should be the last one to complain! None the less my heart has been picking some serious fights with my brain and I just can't seem to keep much emotional control, which is totally strange for me. I'm not much of a crier, I think I used up my tear allotment when I was a kid. I didn't cry at my wedding, I didn't cry much when I had Hailey (well to be fair I only cried out of fear when they were about to slice her out of me not when she was actually in my arms) and I waited and waited for the emotional "rock bottom" you are supposed to hit after giving birth. When that didn't happen I was starting to think I was some sort of robot totally void of any feelings. But this week, man I'm all over the map. My BFF called me on Monday, and we chit-chatted about the weekend and all the regular crap we normally cover. After letting me talk on and on she finally decided to let me know all about the trauma that they had gone through the night before. Her youngest had stopped breathing in her arms and proceeded to have a seizure... oh ya, had a good weekend but by the way my son almost died. Everything is fine, I guess it's something they have in their family and now they just have to really watch when he has a high temperature but scary none the less. I couldn't even imagine what that would feel like, and I am so very grateful that the little guy is going to be fine. My other friends dad who has had some major surgery as of late almost bleed out on Sunday night and he is now doing fine at home, again another scary situation but all is well thank god. I know it makes it harder for her to be here when her family needs her, well as she reminded me today it's only four short weeks until they are back. My total avoidance coping mechanism is starting to fail me, I'm not sure how much longer I can honestly keep it up and it's worked pretty well up until now. Usually when a situation I don't want to deal with pops up I avoid and hide and when things look better I come back out to play. I feel like I'm going against my very nature to keep pretending I'm fine with everything, how do you go about feeling good about losing your support system? Guess I'm going to be figuring that our over the next few weeks. Ack I better go finish my bookclub book, I have been struggling reading it, and even the really really weird sci-fi book we had a few months back was easier to get into then this WW2 novel... yuck it feels like a school assignment!

L

Happy Halloween!

Whew what an exhausting weekend! It was a busy one here at the Carr house and I for one am really glad that it's over :) Birthday dinners, mom group Halloween party, 4 house guests, pumpkin carving, and Trick or Treating just about sums up the last few days for me. I spent almost the entire week last week baking cupcakes, and decorating them, putting up decorations, cleaning, and then more cleaning trying to get ready for my party. Just when I thought that I had it all under control I got slammed with a houseful of people last minute, thank Jeebus that I had for some reason had the foresight to wash all the blankets and towels. But I have to say seeing all the little monsters from my mom's group was just awesome, as it had been almost 6 months since I have seen some of the kids and moms last, it was sure nice to catch up. Even though some of them don't want to go to the trouble to plan and or host our get togethers we always have a good time when it finally comes together, it's just too bad it always seems to be the same mommies that put in the effort to keep the group meeting once in a blue moon. It appears that there will be a second baby boom with the moms too, as 3 of the ladies are going to be expecting their second bundle of joy next year. Mitch and I have really started to be given the gears as of late to when we will be starting to expand the family, it seems to be coming from everyone... which is really starting to bug be a bit as everyone and their dog seems to have an opinion on whether we should have another or not. Bottom line, we are not ready to start trying and we are not sure if we will have another one. I will be turning 30 next year and I don't feel the need to be a baby factory right now, as far as I see it there is still a lot of time to decide whether we have more or not. Ah well the party was a success, two days later I'm still finding food all over the house but that's a given when you have 10 toddling toddlers with sticky fingers running all over the place. Hailey's second Halloween was a definite success as she only took her costume off for her nap, went to visit a few people and then hit the streets with her little treat bucket with a vengeance. The really spooky houses were a bit much for her, which ultimately ended her night but, mom and dad were sure proud of our little bumble bee last night. I might have been out of the Trick-or-Treating game a little too long to totally understand that the rules have changed, as I noticed a few things last night. #1 parents drive while watching their kids walk up and down the streets. Really? don't you think that especially last night when the weather was just beautiful that you could possibly walk with your kids door to door? #2 all the kids ring the doorbell. What ever happened to screaming your lungs out for candy? #3 the mall is the place to go for candy. Apparently Southgate was a complete disaster yesterday, my mother in law (who was one of our house guests this weekend) said the mall was worse then shopping at Christmas. #4 you don't actually have to be wearing a costume to get candy, and you can apparently go until you are about 25 (well maybe the kid wasn't 25 but he was getting to be a bit old to be out there) Well I sure hope everyone had a Happy Halloween, we jacked up about 100 kids on candy last night before we shut the doors. I'm sure next year will be even more fun!

L

Facebook

I "heart" facebook. I know that a few people in my brother's blogging challenge really released their blogging rage on their feeling for facebook, so I have been pretty hesitant to talk about it. I have been using FB since 2006 and not only has it allowed me to reconnect with friends, makes it easier to manage my social life, share pictures of my kid with those that are far away, but also keeps you up to date with the people in your life by knowing what is happening in the moment. I know not everyone appreciates the status updates about what you ate for lunch, and nobody want to read about the indigestion you are suffering through from the 10 pounds of wings you ate, but there are always those status updates about the kid that found mom's mascara or the diaper cream accompanied by pictures and I love that. I love getting friend requests from someone that you haven't see or talked to in forever. A simple hello and bam! it's like the last 10 years didn't happen. I know we have all had that moment when you receive the "friend request" from someone that you would rather not be in contact with. You let it sit there a few days trying to figure out if you decline the invitation if the person will try again, just go with your gut I have been burned by the FB guilt and they usually don't make it through a friends purge.

I am fully aware of all the evil things out there that makes any social media a very scary place for young kids. I think you are going to run into that anywhere on the net, you just have to be very aware that there are creepy people out there. People it's called Security settings, just check it out.

As I'm wrapping up this post on my beloved FB I'm about to do a purge of my friends list, some people are really too high drama for this mommy, and I'm sure they don't really care about what I'm into each day due to the fact that they are consumed with managing their relationship status' and flinging all their emotional baggage around like it's nobody's business. What was I thinking when I added some of these people... guess some people never change, like I stated above, go with your gut some people were cut out of the fold for a reason.

L

Piss and Vinegar

I have had some trouble over the last day or so wondering why the crotchety types always seem to out live the warm hearted kind ones. Is it that they use up more life by sharing their love with the world while the heartless hoard their feeling and keep carrying on? How is it possible that a man who has lived a good life, taken good care of his body, eaten healthy, loved his wife and kids is left to suffer with terrible heart problems while a man who smokes three packs of cigarettes a day, never worked out a day in his life and is a total train wreck can have a devastating heart attack and basically walk away from it? It totally boggles my mind, and it just seems totally unfair. Stupid genetics, saving those that are a total waste of space and taking away other far too soon. I guess piss and vinegar is proven yet again as the better gas in the human engine then good old fashioned compassion and love. I'm so sorry to hear that your dad isn't doing as well as you had hoped Tammy, and I hope that he has a speedy recovery and is back to his old self as soon as possible. You are such an inspiration, always something positive to say even though the situation really, really sucks.

L

Runt of the Litter

As my mom said to me a few weeks back "Every family has their problem child" as she was referring to her brother in an awkward conversation we were having regarding an awkward situation that had caused some amount of stress between my grandmother and my mom. Is this true? does every family have a "problem" person that always causes an extra amount of stress or undue problems? Hey I could defiantly red flag a few people that come to mind in my family, but does this give them an excuse to continue the behaviour as nobody expects anything more from them? On more then one occasion I think to myself are we allowing them to misbehave only because we are really scared that they will fail or are we enabling them because it's just easier that way. I have a couple reasons for this post from a few comments coming from a few family members this week that got me to thinking where we all went wrong in the first place. Example number one, my not so baby cousin Tyler. Diagnosed at a very young age with ADHD or something like that, put on various drugs and left to deal with his terrible impulse control. You couldn't make it through a family get together with out hearing the "poor Tyler" story and how everyone feared that he would never amount to anything. He had trouble with school, oh that's because he has ADHD it's the best he can do. He had trouble finishing school, oh that's because he has ADHD and that's the best that he can do. He had trouble holding down a job, oh that's because he has ADHD and that's the best he can do. He had trouble keeping friends, oh that's because he has ADHD and that's the best he can do... the list goes on and on with the excuses allowed for Tyler to basically suck at life. Now I know a "normal" life would defiantly be a lot harder for him to manage, but the fact of the matter is so many people with the same disorder do a dam good job at it, not only excel at life but find that they can use their hyperactive brain to their advantage. I wonder if that's because they were never allowed to use it as an excuse. As I had mentioned in my last post my aunt and uncle stopped by the house on their way back to Saskatchewan and told us that they were totally blown away with how well Tyler was doing on his own. Go figure the kid was tested, and he is doing very well. Now only if he had been given the opportunity a lot sooner would we have seen similar results? I think so, as I really think Tyler learned how to milk his situation and who could blame the kid. Example number two is what started this all. My uncle. Fleeing from all his problems he is jumping ship and moving to BC. The man needs to get some help and everyone is allowing him to just run away. I guess if we don't talk about it, it didn't happen and everything is alright... right? He has had my grandparents fix his problems in the past and his hand is out again looking for his bail out, which will come and he will learn nothing. Hey I'm not saying I want people in my family to fail, but I'm just wondering if these quote "problem" people will keep being a problem if we keep handling the situations that arise in their lives the same. I guess the silver lining in this post is that my little brother Steve who has always done things his own way has finally seemed to find his way and is doing really well. If he can do it, I'm sure a few of the "others" may come around at some point too!

L

Running Fool

Hooray it's been over a month and I'm still keeping up with my running regime! Survived Thanksgiving and didn't succumb to the temptations of the holiday (I made Mitch and me a weight watchers apple crumble for our dessert, which is super yummy and not that horrible for you) now if I can make it past the delicious little chocolate bars of Halloween I'm pretty sure I can make my goal of getting into an old favorite pair of pants (comfortably with no muffin top) by Christmas! I didn't set a weight loss goal this time, and it seems to be working better for me as weight has always been a relative number as I can put on muscle fairly easily and I will usually see a clothing size drop and not a change on the scale. I am losing my running buddy, as Tara and me have been being accountable to each other by documenting our runs but hopefully her move back home won't derail her efforts thus far.

I also set a goal to run a 10K run before the big 3-0 next June, but I'm already logging 8K without issue right now so I might want to set my goal a little higher. That's a little scary to me as I have never run further then what I am doing right now in one shot and 10K seems like a very realistic distance for me to achieve. I have been inspired by one of the girls I used to work with a few years ago as last weekend she completed a full marathon of 42K. She is a super star losing well over a 100 pounds in the last year and pushing herself to train for the marathon all summer, I think about her everytime I jump on the treadmill.

Well I do love my evening runs, well in exception to last night when I forgot that my aunt and uncle were coming over to drop off a gift for Hailey and I had to fly off the treadmill, shower and dress in a matter of 2 mins and pretend like I wasn't going to die when we were visiting. It gives me a few mins every second day to just remember that I'm not just a mom there is still a bit of Lisa somewhere in there, well the skinnier version screaming at me to keep going.

L

Election Day

If you are in the city of Edmonton and surrounding areas you should be well aware that there is an election tomorrow. It's been tough for me to follow the campaigns this year as we never have anything besides Tree House on during prime time tv hours and I almost never watch the news anymore. I just finished checking out what is available on the Internet for all the candidates running for both Mayor and our Ward. I think I know who I will be voting for tomorrow, it's not a huge surprise as there isn't really any competition for the incumbent in our area.

I have always been a total geek when it comes to going to vote, I just don't think that you are entitled to bitch about the way things are being run if you didn't have a say on who is driving the ship. It totally blows me away on the voter apathy in our community and our country, I guess if you don't live in a country where you don't have the right to have a say you don't really know the importance of making a choice and standing behind it. The people at my last job really thought I was nuts when I would bring the paper in everyday, leave it out and talk about the up coming elections. Yeah I know it's a little psycho, but hey you are entitled to take time off work to go and vote so I was really bossy about it. I don't think that Mitch was much of a voter before I came on the scene, but I think he's better off for it :) I think that my terrible Grade 12 social studies teacher Mr.Montgomery would be proud, well if he is even alive as the last I had heard he was undergoing some kind of study for morbidly obese people with sleep apnea... oh yeah it was super awesome to watch him sweat like crazy when all he was doing was talking to us during class. Well I guess whatever he said sunk in somewhere and I'm a avid voter.

So I hope that you are seriously thinking about going out of your way and making your voice heard by choosing who you would like to be running this joint. Poles are open from 9-8pm.

L

I am Jacks Broken Heart

I mentioned last post that my friends are moving back home, and this week I actually had to start facing reality :( I really thought that I would be taking this better then I have been over the last few days, as it's not exactly a surprise, but it still sucks no matter what way you look at it. I can't believe that I'm not going to beable to see her twins turn one or a variety of things that I just assumed we would celebrate together, it's crazy that they are going to be gone so fast after accepting the job. I guess I when it's something you really want, and have wanted for a long time you are going to make it happen ASAP. The mature side of me knows all the right things to tell myself when I'm having a total self pity moment, but the 5 year old in me wants to tantrum it out anyway. I have never been dumped but I'm thinking this is what it must feel like. Oh well the way things are going right now I know that I'm going to be a ugly mess when it's actually time to wish them off, so much for not falling apart in public.

Steve and I were allowed to go and see our grandfather on Tuesday, and the visit was both nice and awkward. Nice that we got to see grandpa, and awkward that Steve got the 9th degree of questions because they really don't know jack about him. It was nice not to have them grilling me for a change and I could just sit back and talk with grandpa, and just listen to his stories and comparisons of Hailey to his sister (Grandpa thinks Hailey has red hair, hey the man is 92 and not really all here anymore I'm not the one that's going to correct him!). I felt a little bad for Steve as the first thing out of my grandfather's mouth about his car was "you got the color that your grandmother hated". It's hard not to laugh, but come on, doesn't everyone want a bright yellow sports car?? I told them that I wasn't going to stay past 6:30 since the princess needs her beauty sleep and I wanted to get her home before 7, totally left Steve to the vultures. He said that he got the speech that I normally get about not visiting enough, and it was nice that someone else got it for a change, but I really wish that they would realize that crap like that keeps us all away. Ah well I'm good for another 6 weeks or so and will have to do this dance all over again.

I lit my candle today for all the babes whos stay here was shorter then hoped for, I hope everyone else did the same.

L

Happy Turkey Day!

I have mentioned before that I am very grateful for my life and I really like Thanksgiving because it makes others realize what they do have and show an appreciation for it instead of the regular complaining. I thought I would just reiterate what I am grateful for as today is the day for giving thanks.

I am very grateful for my family and friends, I am very fortunate to have such wonderful people in my life that not only make the day to day easier but make it fun as we go! I am very grateful that my mom got back from her trip safely with my grandma and that there was no earthquakes or illnesses this time! I am so so so grateful that my daughter is healthy, happy and such a joy to be around. I'm very happy that the parenthood experience isn't disappointing and that I'm loving every moment of it. I am very grateful of my loving husband, and I can't express how much I love him. There is just so so so much to be appreciative of, I could be here all day!

This weekend was bitter sweet though, as one of by very best and dearest friends celebrated her 30th b-day. I got the news that I have been dreading. They will be moving back home to Vancouver and before the end of the year. I'm very happy that they will get to be near their families, I know that's all she has wanted since she moved her 2 years ago. I'm just struggling to be 100% supportive as my heart breaks a little thinking about what my life will be like without her a call and a car trip away. I love her kids as much as my own so it will defiantly leave a big gaping hole in my life with them back home where they belong. I knew it was just a matter of time, but now my time is very limited and I'm just going to have to use it the best way I can.

So enjoy your turkey, love your leftovers and be grateful for what you have and forget the rest.

L

Denied

So all the worry about going to visit my Grandpa was over nothing, as per usual we were denied our visit over to the house. I should be more angry then I am, but this is the game that is always played when we want to go over there. I used to just do drop by visits, you would think in a house that had 3 retired people that it wouldn't be a problem. But when 4 out of the 4 adults that are living there are quite sick you it would be pretty rare to pick a day that none of them have some kind of appoinment, and I get that, that's why I always call now before I go. But the thing is I did call, on Sunday, before 6 o'clock when everone is in bed as per the rules. I knew deep down that it wasn't going to go well for Steven and I when I only spoke to the freeloader that is staying at the house. He said that it would be fine to stop by "anytime they are always home" which is a bunch of BS and I knew it, I just should have phoned back like my gut told me to. I was super angry after I talked to my dad's g-friend's son on Sunday too as I didn't think it was approprate that he was talking to me like I was his good buddy. No I didn't get "pissed" the night before, No I don't plan on getting "pissed" tonight and what we did all weekend is none of your dam business. Why don't you get off your lazy 40+ year old ass and get a job and get out of my grandfathers house... Besides I think he confused me with my half sis Lana because what he was saying to me didn't make a whole lot of sense, what a total dumb ass.

My dad's g-friend was such a cow when I phoned over there too, which only makes it worse. She likes to be a barrier between me and my family, I don't know if it makes her feel good that she has the ultimate say in whether we can go visit or not but she always plays this game. I'm even surprised that she picked up the phone the first time I called, that's another of my favorite games she plays, listen to the message before she calls me back. Might just be a coincidence you say? well she almost always calls me back within minutes of listening to the message or forgets that I called earlier and says that she was there the whole time (she isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer). Whatever we can't come over, Steven was a little pissed but he ultimatley doesn't care either. The sad thing is we will get the guilt trip laid on us when we finally are allowed over about not visiting more often... Ack why bother, the thing is I love my grandfather so much that I will endure this for as long as it takes.

We will see if it happens next week, I will keep you posted.

L

You can't choose your family...

Things get real messy when you have a "modern" family like we do. Between Mitch and me Hailey technically has 6 grandparents, 2 of which I'm having a hard time calling "grandpa and grandma". Which brings me to the point of this post. My dad and his g-friend want very much to be involved in Hailey's life, I could care less if they are or not, and I'm trying my best to just keep neutral for Hailey's sake. I believe that being a Grandparent is a reward for doing a good job raising your own kids, and you get to enjoy them in a way that you couldn't enjoy your own kids. If you did a bang up job your kids should not only feel comfortable bring them over to their house but leaving them in their care. My dad falls massively short in the good parenting department and fails to make the grade when it comes to any form of nurturing. Not only is he a terrible influence in my opinion, but doesn't really have anything to offer besides a good example of how not to live your life. I'm sure Hailey knows that "life is a bitch, and then you die" already... and if she hasn't picked up that little gem in the few visits we have made it's going to hit home soon. So ditch the losers right? Well I wish that I could, unfortunately my grandfather lives with my dad and in order for me to go and visit I have to go through them. *sigh* The poor guy would be better off in a home, but being the owner of the house he is determined to live in the house "as long as he still has his mind", a point that could be argued either way right now... So the question remains, do I carry on letting them call themselves "grandparents" as they technically are and let Hailey just grow up calling them that, or do I do the asshole move of correcting them now. I guess it's gone on too long now, but I seriously get an ulcer when I hear them refer to themselves as such. I know that the visits to their house will be done when my grandpa is out of the house so does it really matter? Either way it's tricky... I don't want Hailey to carry my baggage, it's my past that keeps me from wanting them to have a relationship, not anything they have done or not done to her. Maybe I'm scared that she will develop a relationship with my dad and he will hurt her the same way he hurt me and I'm just being all momma bear about it. Choices we make as parents sometimes are hard, guess we will have to endure a good dose of ulcers tomorrow as me and Stevie boy are going to head over there to show off his new car. Love being the peacemaker and making it happen, for my Grandpa who misses his grandsons' I will do it... It's sure to be a craptastic time.

L

Photo Shoot!

Sorry it's been a few days since my last blog, but we have been busy with play dates, photo shoots, and general day to day for the last few days, thus the life of a busy family.

I helped my best friend out on a photo shoot on Friday! It was a lot of fun for me to learn how to use my camera in her basement/studio set up. I think that she did a fantastic job too, I can't wait to see the finished product. We had discussed going into business together one day on our girls weekend and with the way we worked together I think it's a definite possibility. We had a play date today where she let me take some shots of Hailey in her Halloween costume (which has been expertly hidden in the closet since I brought it home due to the fact that Hailey would wear it all day everyday if she could). I didn't get "the" shot of her, getting a one year old to sit still for the camera is like herding cats, next to impossible, but I got some really good ones that I'm happy with. Last year she was a cute lamb and I didn't really get any really good pictures of her first Halloween so I'm already way ahead of last year. If I figure out how to post a picture I will attach one from today, I know I'm getting all fancy like with my postings :) I'm actually hosting the mom group Halloween party this year, so that should be really fun seeing all the kids in their costumes and seeing how much they have all changed. It's been awhile since we all have gotten together since most of the mommies have gone back to work.

Anyways I'm missing the end of Hoarders my favorite Monday night guilty pleasure,

L

Sister Wives

Well I'm not sure I have to say more then the title of this blogging entry, what the hell has happened to quality TV programming? Are you kidding me??? Oh TLC I remember the days when you had shows that actually were intelligent to watch, and maybe learn a few things while watching. If I wanted to learn how to redecorate a room, fix a sink or flip a house there was some really good stuff on to make that happen. Move on over Martha Stewart, Trading Spaces is going to show me how to get it done! Don't even get me started on Jon and Kate Plus 8. Most of my friends were watching it long before I had any interest, and by the time I got around to watching them they were splitsville. I think it's gotta be insanely hard to raise that many kids, but do you have to do it all on camera? It's gross how they have essentially exploited the kids to make money, and all I can think about is what happened to the Dionne quintuplets and how damaged those ladies got from making a spectacle of their childhoods. Yes, Kate has some redeeming qualities like she really tries to feed them healthy food, and they always have a clean house, and they are very well provided for, but why does she insist on trying to become a celebrity now instead of having a "normal" job? Maybe she wouldn't beable to go back to being a nurse, but she shouldn't argue that she needs to make a swack of cash to support the kids, because if they weren't good managing all the money they were being paid to expose the family to the masses, shame on them. Ack, I know my friends have mommy love for Kate, but I'm just not feeling it. Besides they have "inspired" other wack-a-do's to go and have large families that are certainly unfit to handle... ahem Octomom.

Sister wives, oh sister wives you are a horrible train wreck of a show, to horrible to look away I suppose. If you are man enough to handle 3 or 4 wives then I guess that's your own deal. All I can hope for is that you stay in Utah with people that understand you. I don't want Hailey to have any Brother-Cousins that's just far too much for me to think about.

L

Comments!

Ack! I have been found out and there are comments from *gasp* people I know. Hahaha guess that's the point right? This blogging thing isn't like a diary where you would rather die then have your big brother read it and share it with all his friends :) I think the more I blog the more comfortable it will get, and perhaps it best be stated to stay off the soapbox on a few of the "hot topics", although I'm sure they make for great reading, I don't really want anyone who doesn't know me to think I'm a crazy manic. After bugging my brother Chad last night on the phone I am hoping that he returns to his blog so I can spy into his life, yes I said it spy. I think that with the combo of me not really liking talking on the phone and him not liking answering the phone makes blogging a good way to stay connected. Plus I really, really like learning about all the stuff that him and Tammy are doing day to day... like I said, I like to spy or if you prefer cyberstock. Sad isn't it? Hey how I spend the precious few free hours in the afternoon are my business :) Plus knowing that he passed his drivers gave me a good reason to call, and got to enjoy a nice chat with Tammy as well. Maybe I will get one of my secret dreams after all... a sister. No pressure Tammy, you have yours and she is super awesome, but that's something I have wanted forever and maybe just maybe this will be a way to get to know you better (infact I feel as it already has).

So off to go spy on some of you and your lives... feel a little violated yet??? well you should :) and now I might be brave enough to leave a comment or two as I know how happy that made me to see that somebody read what I wrote and thought enough to share what they thought.

L

Grateful

I found myself clicking around yesterday and reading a few random strangers blogs, and I have been harbouring huge feeling of gratefulness about my life since finding this one particular ladies blog. I know that she is a friend of my brothers, maybe the wife of a friend actually and I just can't believe how hard she has it. I know I have a good life, and I try not to focus on the negatives, and I realize that blogging can be a cathartic way of dealing with stress but I really have nothing compared to her. I didn't go too far back, it was creepy enough just to be learning so many intimate details of her life and not even knowing her (the beauty of public blogging I guess) but from what I read she has delt with the loss of a child and struggles daily with a son with autism while juggling 3 other kids all home schooled. Craziness. Sometimes I think you just have to put yourself into another persons shoes to re-evaluate how "bad" you really have it, and yes I am incredibly grateful I have a healthy, happy child and get to be the one raising her abit she will be going to public school when the time comes. You could argue that she could lighten her load a little, but when a momma wants to raise her kids a certain way there is nothing that is going to change her mind. I have learned a few things in the last year and a bit with my mom's group and other mommy friends, everyone is going to do things differently and if you try to say something to the contrary to a core belief you will get your head bitten off. End of story. Thank you come again. I know that I have done things my way too. I am a firm believer in breast feeding, do not believe in co-sleeping, have bought into the theroy of "cry it out", made all my own baby food, use disposable diapers, believe in baby wearing, don't feed my baby too much processed food but not crazy obsessed about only organic.... the list goes on and on about what choices you make and everyone has their way and their options. I feel that just being a mom connects our stories even though she has so much more on her plate, and I wish the network of mothers would be bigger with less judgement and more acceptance sometimes to help her and other moms having a hard day or week or year.

I was also inspired by one of her posts regarding her birth story of her youngest. I totally can relate to her story and all the sadness surrounding the arrival of a baby. If you aren't that close to me you wouldn't really know that one of the most terrifying day's of my life was the day my daughter was born. My birth plan was pretty go with the flow, no drugs if I could hack it, but bring them on if need be. After going many many days over due with the peanut I was induced, well we went in for induction the first time only to be sent away due to my OB/GYN's paperwork error, to be admitted the next day. After the fun filled pain inducing tampon started to work it's magic we were off to the races. Escorted up to labour and delivery and began to wait until my body told be it was time to get the party started. Totally was handing everything without a problem, they broke my water and bam! Contractions on top of contractions without a break so it was time to call the miracle man with the epidural. Mitch and I caught a snooze after the pain was gone only to wake up to find out that Hailey wasn't presenting herself in a conducive position for quick labour, so they turned her, twice. Then we got the news that there wasn't anyway that I was going to finish dilating to the full 10 and the recommendation to go to a C-Section. This is where things got scary, they always say to prepare for it, but in your head it's just one of those things that isn't going to happen to you. 30 mins later I was holding my baby and feeling like I wimped out of the work, I didn't feel like I did my duty as a mother and I couldn't relate to all the millions of other moms that had babies. Great hey? I assure you if you need to have a C-Section and you have these feelings they lessen overtime and it gets better, but I wasn't prepared to have a less then TLC Birth Story ending to the birth of my baby. Bastards, I don't know how many of those shows I watched only to be bitterly disappointed about what happened to me. However, those mushy over the top love your kid more then anything feelings were there and that's all the matters in the end.

I love my life, if I learned anything from the blogging momma is that in life you don't have to be a martyr, being a mom is hard enough.

L

Girls just wanna have fun

I just had a really amazing weekend with my best friend, I think I have mentioned that I have great friends before but I really believe I have the best friends in the world. What makes them so great? well lots of things actually, but the best thing about my closest friends is that I'm finally in a spot where I can be totally honest with them and they can be the same with me. It doesn't take much to make me happy :) but there is something wonderful about not having to worry about saying the wrong thing, and if you do it's forgiven or forgotten. Maybe it's a fear of putting yourself out there sometimes that keeps me from making a lot of new friends and letting them really get to know the real me, but for now I'm pretty happy with my close circle of girls that make everything alright when I'm having a craptastic day. I realize in the very near future I'm going to have to make some changes as my two best friends are making some very serious claims to move away. I'm not going to lie this makes me very, very sad but I ultimately want them to be happy, and I will have to deal with the fall out when it actually happens. I guess I just best be getting better about talking on the phone!

My weekend was very full of chatting about everything and nothing at the same time, just like old times when we weren't chasing toddlers and rocking babies. We finally got a chance to sit and eat a warm meal without interruption from our kids or our husbands and really catch up and spill our guts about pretty well anything we wanted to talk about. It feels good that even though we are nearly a decade older (and maybe a decade wiser) that all of the same reasons we have become friends still remains, and not all of the young girl has been taken over by becoming wives and mothers. It was wonderful to spend the time away and not have to worry a second about leaving home. I had a good laugh when I got home due to a wayward text that arrived late from the following week (which I didn't know was late, I had responded like it was new that day) and promptly responded "bastard" to the text about a guy not showing up to work. Mitch got the text I sent back and thought it was a little harsh that I was calling him a "bastard" outta no where... it was funny guess you had to be there :)

I love my friends like sisters, and I hope that I can grow very old still loving my ladies for a very, very long time. Next time we have a girls weekend away though we are going to live it up a little more :) maybe let a few more people in on the fun as I think we started something that needs to be shared amongst other mommies just dying for a night away! I think the best part of the weekend though after it was all said and done was the sheer look of delight on Hailey's face when she realized I was home, absence really does make the heart grow fonder!

L

Sweating to the Oldies

I love to run, for a few minutes a day I can totally lose myself and forget all the stuff that runs my world. However my treadmill and I have a love hate relationship with each other, and recently I have not only fallen off the wagon but got trampled by the horses on the way off. Yesterday I had a little chat with one of my best friends (and I have the BEST friends in the world by the way) and she told me that she is planning on going out running a few nights a week, and it got me to thinking that if she can find time to escape her three kids and all the craziness that comes with them all being under 27 months, then there is no reason in the world that I can't figure out a time to get my growing butt onto the treadmill.

I love it after all right? well I love it after I'm done putting myself through the torture, and there is no denying how it makes me feel when I'm done. The trick of it all is to find a time in my day that works, I have always run in the mid morning, always. Even last year with a newborn I found the time to squeeze out a 40 min run 3-4 times a week (and that's why I looked and felt better last year at this time then I do now). Since I have been home from my trip to Vegas the kidlet has decided to forgo the morning nap, and transitioned to having afternoon naps, fine but there is no way that I'm ready to work out then, so there has been no working out, and a lot of eating... lots of eating. There is zero chance that I'm going to be getting up before Hailey to work out, so that's not even an option, I want to cry a little when I think about that. So that leaves evening runs, and it was fine last night, the only thing I would do differently is eating less dinner because burping it up while trying to keep a decent pace wasn't too much fun (gotta love the tums). So I guess now it's only a matter of fitting in the runs at night, and just going for it. Time to quit whining about the weight situation and do something about it, besides when I'm running, I'm eating better!

Going on a girls weekend tomorrow, first time away from Hailey overnight without Mitch! Should be fun :)

L

List Lover

If you know me you know I'm a little OCD about keeping my house clean, and if you have been around my house in the last year and a half you know that having a baby really puts a crimp in my style. As the old adage goes "sleep when the baby sleeps" is great advice for those that don't hit the sofa with good intentions of napping and find themselves only thinking about the dust bunnies under the stove, or the hair in the sink or how long has it been since I scrubbed the toilets again? So in order to keep the Mr. Clean voices out of my head I have devised a system that works pretty well around here, my lists, and how I "heart" my lists. Similar to a runners "high" I get a cleaners "high" (and not from the chemical fumes either, as we are pretty much a chemical free zone here thanks to the best cleaning cloths in the world my sweet, sweet Norwex) when I see a totally completed list, and then I can finally spend a few guilt free mommy minutes doing something for myself.

I consider myself a master mulitasker, and I'm not saying that you have to be a good mulitasker to be a good mom but it sure helps to keep everything organized before you find yourself in the middle of the supermarket with out a list, with a screaming child who wants a snack and has a wet ass, and no wallet to pay for the groceries. I can honestly say I haven't been in this mess because I love my lists, but have been witness to many friends suffer a near meltdown themselves. To get out of the house I have a mental checklist that has saved me many moments of stress. Maybe it's just that when you have one kid you can keep your brain on track for a few moments of clarity, or maybe it was 10 long months of really broken sleep when we brought our little peanut home that made me rely on writing everything down, but what ever got me into the habit has defiantly made my life simpler.

Even though my house isn't as clean as it used to be I can sleep at night because I know there are better things to spend my time on, this was a process and I'm learning to let go. But when the cleaning bug hits and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed I just have to go spend some time with my PVR and partake in a few episodes of Hoarders and I feel just fine :) I might have a few dust bunnies dwelling in the far corners of my house, but their day's are numbered and it's only a matter of time before they get added to the list.

L

Good Bye Summer

Ack it's really feeling like fall out there, maybe it's because we haven't really seen the sun for a few days now that it's starting to hit home that we will be seeing the white stuff fly here in the next few weeks. Thinking back, I would say we had a pretty good summer here in the Carr house, I just wish we had a few more really hot days to do a few more things I had on the "to do" list this year.

I wanted to take Hailey to Millcreek Pool this summer, as she loves to swim and that place has special meaning for me. I remember going there with my grandma in the summer time, walking down to the pool and filling ourselves full of junk and then burning it off in the pool, while baking in the hot sun. Not to sure it's going to be what I remember it as, when look back at all the things I thought were "awesome" as a kid I am sadly realizing that my perception was hugely deranged. I also wanted to go to the new dinosaur park just out of the city, I spent all summer thinking about it rather then just doing it. That one we will save for next year and Hailey will probably enjoy it a little more. Yet again we didn't go camping this year, Mitch and I talked about it this weekend and decided that next year we will really try. I explained to him that it's our job to make sure that our "little princess" doesn't turn into that! I guess the thing I'm most disappointed about was the lack of usage of the sweet little turtle pool we got for the back yard, there just wasn't that many really nice days to actually use it :( but that bad boy will be ready to go next summer.

We did manage to make it to the city zoo a couple times this summer, and yes I know that our zoo is crappy. I just really liked the petting zoo part, and so did the kid so that's all that matters. Next year she won't be trying to eat the animal poo so I think I will like it even more. We also took in our first Fringe Festable as a family and that was a lot of fun, a little face painting, parachute playing and sand box digging is always a good time. Even though we didn't stay long it was a fun adventure with a couple of good friends and their adorable little boys. Mitch and I defiantly got to get out a little more this summer as a couple, having Mitch's mom here for more visits allowed for us to do just that. Gotta love family! I also took my first vacation away from the munchkin, as we took a working vacation to Vegas at the end of July and it was wonderful to take some time and totally unplug. There is nothing better then sitting on a pool deck reading a book and drinking a chilled beverage to make you realize how much you love your life. Amongst all the play dates, dinner dates, summer walks, and visits with friends I can say we had a really great summer! As sick as it sounds now it's time to start getting ready for Christmas....

L

Pansie Wussy Bambi Pie

I have always been on the side of caution when entering into major decisions in life, I don't spontaneously buy things without some thought, my day is immaculately planned almost minute to minute, and I generally don't like surprises. That being said I'm really not scared to take risks as long as I have given some thought as to why I would do something and then just go for it, accepting the chips as they fall. Which leads me to what has been consuming my thoughts for the last two days, the institution of marriage and all that comes with it.

I know it's not for everybody, as it's been stated to me by quite a few people "you don't have to be married to be committed, being common law entitles you to all the same benefits as being married with out the paperwork". I get that, and I understand why people decide that marriage is not for them, as long as they are not being pansie wussy Bambi pie's about it for fear of failure I can accept it as well. I know the statistics, first marriages have about a 50% chance of ending in divorce, that risk becomes greater with each successive marriage (about 72% for second, and about 85% for third marriages). No doubt it's hard work to be in a serious relationship but I figure people will generally put more effort in if they have taken that step, especially if you have kids I think it's an important one to take. Regardless of that you think about marriage you are either in the "I do" camp or the "hell no, not for me" camp. I'm obviously on the bandwagon, and haven't been to damaged from where I came from to give it a go, and I take my role pretty darn serious.

Ok with that stated and out of the way, I'm about to get to the point. I'm all about being married and I love who I'm married too, I can't imagine someone else filling those shoes. Mitch and I have talked about what would happen if one of us were to die, actually we talk about it a lot as he is in the life insurance game, and we better have our crap together if he is out there ensuring other families are protected. It's not a conversation we love to have but it's out there that if one of us were to die then we would for sure want the other to be happy, I'm not about wanting to lead the life of a spinster and would wish that upon anyone. But I guess the question that has been haunting me for the last two days is how long is long enough to heal after losing someone married or not? I feel that it would take me far longer to feel ready to date and "move on" then Mitch, statistically women do take longer then men, and that's ok, it is what it is. I guess you would never really know until you are there, and nobody wants to be there so why bother thinking about it right? Well I guess sometimes it just makes you think about the "what ifs" when you know someone going through it, you can't help but think would you make the same decisions. I will end this post with as long as you are happy then it's the right decision and I will back you all the way, as long as you are living your life authentically, and not out of fear like a pansie wussy Bambi pie. Would I get married again if something tragic were to happen, being that I'm all about being married? I don't know, and I think that's why I can't let this go. Not sure if that makes me a hypocrite, and that bugs me a bit. I guess we will have to leave that one out in the hypothetical for now as there is no way of knowing unless you are in that exact situation.

L

I Fail

Yikes what a craptastic day, it's 7:27pm let's just call it a day. I have thought about not writing about all the day to day "get the man down" stuff, but life isn't always like that and I think it wouldn't be too realistic going threw my life leaving out all the less then perfect stuff.

Today was really a continuance from yesterday, my engine light came on my jeep again and it's been to the dealership twice already for the same problem. The first time they kept it a week, which nearly killed me as I'm not used to being without wheels for that long, Hailey and I almost went crazy. The only good thing that came from not having my jeep a week I found out a few things about my friends, you know the ones, the ones that do things with you only when it's convenient. Let's just say that helped clear up my schedule when I'm feeling a little too overwhelmed with play dates, check ya later. But anyway, back to the jeep, our buddy Trent (who I'm starting to recognize his voice on the phone, which is never a good thing) called me back and said that they should have the part they need out of Red Deer tomorrow and all should be well (covered under warranty... dam straights there is only like 24 000 km on that bad boy). So being with out vehicle today was a little sucky, but with the really dreary weather outside (which probably didn't help my mood) we stayed in. Hailey gave us a really nasty 2:30 am wake up call this morning and did a fair amount of crying until about 5ish so needless to say there isn't a reasonable amount of caffeine that will save the day from the get go. I guess today didn't totally suck, as the Shaw guy came today and basically tightened up all the connections and fixed our ongoing saga of bad cable connections, why the first guy didn't see that is totally beyond me, but whatever if that means I can access Dora when I need her (like today, doing a stellar job of parenting with the TV). So far so good, I can stop daydreaming of switching to Telus for now. But the biggest problem that sent my day into the crapper was the fact that if I were to fired from my job, I would have been canned today. There is nothing worse then finding out that slacking over the long weekend (the totally awesome weekend I had by the way) caused Mitch to miss a few meetings earlier on in the week and one this morning. Crap, Crap double crap... millions of things to do everyday, better write myself a sticky note or something because I'm pretty sure it's not going to be the last time and that's not acceptable.

Aaaahhh good thing this time there wasn't too many repercussions, but I still feel terrible. Tomorrow should be better, I have book club and on my one night out a month I'm going to rock out... even if it's only with a few other moms and we kinda sorta talk about our book.

On a lighter note, our dinner went really well on Sunday! Everything turned out really great and having my family over was awesome. Like I said we don't need to see each other very often, but when we do it's always a good time.

L

Happy Anniversary!

So yesterday was my hubby and I'm fifth wedding anniversary, and it's amazing thinking back over the last 5 years and not really feeling like that much time has already passed. I'm not really the sentimental type that puts a lot of value in having to make a big deal of something like a 5 year anniversary, but yesterday was exactly what I needed. Mitch stayed home from work and we spent the whole day together as a family, and as family day's go here in the Carr house they are very precious to me, as Mitch spends a lot of time away working.

Today we are having my family over for dinner, and by "my family" I mean my mom, my big bro and girl friend, and little brother. It's been awhile since we were all together, but that's the thing with my family even though we don't see a whole lot of each other it seems to suit us all fine. I know that my mom would probably like to get together with us all a little more, and maybe one day we will get better at making that happen. Mitch and I are going to try to make some traditional German food, we are pretty set to go right now (it's 2 O'clock and we have been prepping since 9) I can see why we don't do this unless it's a holiday! Well I don't have a ton of time right now, so I'm going to go finish getting things all set for tonight, but I thought I would make a quick entry as I'm not sure if I will do anything tomorrow with it being the holiday and all!

L

My Cheating Heart

I have tried to stop thinking about the possibly of breaching our 10 year relationship, but you just haven't been doing it for me anymore. I remember the days when you would give me everything I wanted and more, but recently you are nothing but a bunch of headaches and totally misery... oh Shaw Cable your days are numbered and I'm really feeling the pull to join the dark side, Telus TV. I mean I'm really not asking too much of Shaw on demand, but when a girls gotta have Dora, a girls gotta have Dora! There is nothing that can stop a total meltdown like "Dorda" and nothing that can send this Momma into a frenzy when the craptastic Shaw box decides it's not going to work. We have had a Shaw guy come out and take a look at our set-up after numerous calls into the call center, but like when you take your vehicle to the dealership of coarse everything worked fine when he was here. So after calling about a dozen more times we will be having another tech come and take a look, and if he doesn't resolve the issues, that's it, I'm done, it's totally you not me, we will be over. I guess we have to just wait for the annoying telemarketer from Telus to call about switching over our services, normally a call that would get the ol' pick up hang up move I give to all the telemarketers (don't get me even started on those guys, Telus and The National Post are the absolute worst about calling when we have repeatedly have asked to be taken off the call list) and see what we can get from them to sweeten the deal about switching. The only bad thing about Telus is I think we will have to sign a contract, but we already get our Internet and phone through them so it probably won't be that bad, I mean at least I can PVR a few episodes of Dora and all will be right with the world here at the Carr house.

On a side note I feel good about blogging today, yesterday's first time jitters are over. However I will need to spend a bit more time getting everything to look the way I want, and figure out how to use all the bits and pieces of the provider.

Yay for Friday of a long weekend!

L

Not gonna lie Blogging is a little intimadating...

Over the last few weeks I have been following a few blogs and thought I might try my hand at it. I'm not going to lie I'm really quite intimated by the possibility of somebody actually reading it, while wondering at the same time if I will even have anything interesting to write about.



From what I have gathered from some of the blogs that I follow that it's a little uncool to talk about your day... Crap... being a stay at home mom who has Tree House on non-stop keeps me pretty deprived from what is happening in the real world, so that leaves out the smart witty blog posts about "What the hell is happening in the world today". Ok, then I have the opportunity to blog about all the interesting hobbies and interests I have... Crap... over the last year and a bit of hanging out with baby H, I don't have even the tiniest bit of "self" left to talk about. A little sad isn't it? one might have to say I need to get out a little more, but honestly I do OK in that department, I just do all the G-rated, kid friendly, try to make your child smart activities. Sooo that just leaves me with what goes on here day to day and I guess that's just going to be what the bulk of my blogging is going to be about. If you don't have kids maybe you will be a little bored with the day to day life of a regular mom that has the opportunity to say at home with her growing munchkin, but that's my life and I love my life.



Well it's off to figure out what to make the kidlet for lunch today, hummmm how many day's of PB & J will baby H tolerate? Lol! well I'm not going to push it as that's my standard "out the door, we have somewhere to be in 15 mins" lunch and today I have time to make something a little more gourmet.



L